Last week when I told Laurel that keeping up with her soccer stuff wasn’t my responsibility, she asked to see my job description. Apparently, I have been repeatedly telling her that certain things are not my job and she finally decided it was time to see some proof. As I unsuccessfully tried to suppress my hysterical laughter, I wondered how many times I had asked myself that very question over the past eight years. I love my kids, take care of them and keep them safe. But after that my role always seems a bit fuzzy to me and I often feel like I am making it up as I go along. In the beginning, I did everything for my babies, from helping them hold their head up to putting socks on their tiny feet. As the years have passed, I have realized that my job is often letting my children figure out for themselves and leaning on me when things don’t go their way. It always seems that just as I think I know the best way to be Laurel and Trevor’s mom that their needs change and I find myself looking for an updated job description. I am sure that as my kids hit the teen years that my role will seem even more unclear. But no matter what is listed on the ever-elusive piece of paper today or tomorrow, I am positive that hunting down my daughter’s pink soccer socks every Monday evening is never going to be listed as one of my responsibilities.
| 30 August 2010, 12:00 am
This information might be just a week or two too late, but I have found the best place to shop for school supplies. Not just cheap school supplies…FREE!!!
My secret shopping location? My house! I was cleaning out some closets (I know…you can’t believe it…but we have put our house on the market) and in each one I seemed to find a shoe box or other receptacle filled with miscellaneous school supplies. I started dumping them into a big Rubbermaid container. Pretty soon the container was full to overflowing.
Last Friday afternoon I decided to go through the stuff and somehow found myself with a burst of organizational energy, Ziploc bags and Sharpies (lots of Sharpies, as you will soon see). I sorted the pencils from the pens, the Sharpies from the highlighters, the colored pencils from the crayons and packed them in Ziploc bags…appropriately marked with, you guessed it, Sharpies!
In addition to the mass quantities of writing utensils, I found five pairs of scissors, a stapler, two packages of staples, about 50 binder clips, a clipboard, approximately a ream of colored paper and most shocking of all, an unopened package of sheet protectors! How many times have I raced to Wal-Mart at 8 p.m. to buy sheet protectors when one of my kids decides to tell me he/she has a project due the following morning that absolutely requires them? Some items struck me as a little odd, such as a lip liner pencil, a couple pairs of unopened knitting needles and a tube of After-Bite (BTW, the greatest stuff for itchy bug bites, though I still can’t figure out how it got with the school supplies). By the time I was done, this was the result:
Just to put the supplies into context, they are now located in my beautiful sanctuary, my study:
Isn’t it lovely? I’m SURE you know someone who would absolutely love that study and the rest of the house attached to it. Did I mention that we put our house on the market?
The moral of this story is: next time it’s 8 p.m. and your kid tells you he/she needs sheet protectors (or any other possible school supply), don’t go running off to Wal-Mart. Go school supply shopping in your own house! And if that fails, just call me.
| 1 September 2010, 12:00 am
A few weeks ago, when I watched the Emmy Awards, I came to a disturbing realization—I am woefully behind on watching the current popular TV shows.
It wasn't always that way. When I was a kid, I used to blow my 50-cent allowance so I could buy a TV Guide magazine, and comb through it, starring and underlining the shows I couldn't bear to miss. Mod Squad, The Rookies and of course, Soul Train were always high on the list. Remember—videocassette recorders hadn't come out yet, not to mention, TiVo. (Happily, we did have indoor plumbing.)
In college, I found that it was actually possible to create a class schedule that intriguingly enough, had no classes between 12:30 and 2:00 each day. Just when "All My Children" was on. Who'd have thought?
As an adult, I continued to plan my television-watching career, but once I had kids, a funny thing happened: I never had time to watch my favorite shows. Oh, I might plan to sit down and watch something, but then a baby would cry and that was obviously more important. Later, with toddlers running around, some shows that I might enjoy were just not appropriate for the under 5 set.
Finally, a beautiful convergence occurred: my kids were young enough to go to bed before 9, old enough to sleep through the night, and the powers that be at NBC began to air the show ER. With George Clooney. For the first time, I began to reclaim myself from the Mommy world of Sesame Street, Dora and, even—please forgive me-- The Teletubbies.
Since then, my TV watching has been consistent but limited. Grey's Anatomy got my time for several seasons, and The Good Wife is a keeper. But seeing the Emmys showed me that there is still a whole world out there that bears watching.
Who are the Mad Men, and why are they so angry?
Who was Lost, and could they use a House? Or maybe just The Office?
Is Dexter Breaking Bad?
What kind of Damages does a Burn Notice cause?
I'm filled with glee at the prospect of all of these acclaimed shows, but honestly, I must curb my enthusiasm because even if I recorded them, who has time to watch that many programs?
So I asked my Facebook friends, and I will ask you too—what shows should I be viewing? What are your favorites? Any new ones for the new season to be aware of? What's the show I'm going to regret not catching from the start?
My recorder is primed and ready…now; will I find new shows to love? Let's watch!
I counted the oranges. That's how I know what my struggle will be. The older my twins get, the less unique my story. My challenges will become more and more like anyone with closely spaced children because having two two-year-olds or two three-year-olds is not all that different from having one two-year-old and one three-year-old. There will be quite a few more people in my boat as we move along on this journey.
Always wanting to be prepared, I started reading twin-specific books and articles almost as soon as I knew we were expecting our double blessing. Most of the literature focuses on twins as babies, partly because that is the most unique time, and partly because it’s just hard.
The majority of what I’ve read past this stage has centered on two topics. The first is whether or not twins should be in the same class in school or purposefully separated. I don’t see this as an issue for us. I fully expect G and M to adapt beautifully to whichever situation they find themselves. The other theme deals with preserving the individuality of twins. I admit I worried about this before they were born. I promised myself I wouldn’t fall into the habit of referring to little M and little G as “the twins.” This resulted in my constantly referring to them as “the babies.” I’m not sure that’s any better, except that they will not always be babies so there is a natural end to that habit.
But I no longer worry about their individuality. They’ve been displaying their inimitable personalities since birth. G is my sensitive observer, the one who notices every single time I try to slip out of the room, finds any new object fascinating and likes to snuggle. M never stops. She’s always after something and is so frustrated that she cannot talk. I can see in her eyes all the opinions that she desperately wants to share. I know neither one will let me forget how separate they are.
So what is this struggle that I see in the future? It’s the notion that fair does not always mean equal. Life is not fair of course. Some of us accept this earlier than others, but we all accept it if we ever want to be happy. But while life is not fair, Mom should be. I try to be. And most of the time I’m pretty comfortable that I am.
Every parent with more than one child wants to be fair. When your kids are different ages though, fairly different is easily fair. It doesn’t matter if one could sit at the table without being strapped in a whole year ahead of another or if one gave up naps at a younger age. You simply try to dole out privileges and responsibilities as they seem appropriate.
I’m afraid it won’t be as easy with two kids the same age. Already I’ve occasionally found myself trying to force an impossibly equal treatment for “the babies.” For example, I cannot physically put two babies to bed at the same time. Their beds are in separate rooms. In working out a bedtime routine, I first considered putting one baby to bed first every night, reasoning that at least that would be expected. Then I thought of alternating so each had equal turns staying up those extra ten minutes. Then I came to my senses and decided that the best idea was to put to bed first whichever baby seemed more tired (i.e. cranky) regardless of which baby was first on any other night.
Then there was lunch. I had opened up a can of mandarin oranges to feed the babies. At some point, I realized that I was counting the oranges to make sure each baby was getting the same amount. I made this discovery when I came across a particularly large slice and paused to consider whether it should count as two. I knew I was being ridiculous even as I knew it was not the first time I had counted their food.
Of course my husband admits to a different type of forced equality. He has slipped a few extra Cheerios to whoever weighed less at the last check-up and nudged along the twin who sat up and crawled later than the other. Both of us are normally rational people. I’m not concerned about our weird internal hang-ups scarring the children. (I’m not even worried about M and G accusing me of being unfair. I already know that’s a given.) This is just something I’ll be thinking about as they grow.
The other thing I wonder is whether or not I’ll miss the attention. There is a definite irony to the fact that as it becomes less and less obvious that M and G are twins, fewer people will feel the need to stop us and ask if they are. Fewer people will gawk and point us out in a crowd (because of our twins anyway, there will still be those who think four children in one family is some sort of spectacle). I’ve never liked the extra attention. It’s hard enough to manage all the buckles involved in car seats and stroller seats without feeling like everyone is watching to see how I do it. And it’s not my imagination. I once had someone start clapping in the middle of a parking lot because he was impressed with the way I folded the double stroller.
But I’ve gotten used to the fact that people regard my babies as something truly special. Will I feel like we’ve lost something when no one comments on their presence? Will I find myself telling strangers that M and G are twins when one hits a growth spurt ahead of the other? Will I be reluctant to let M ride her bike without training wheels until D can get her brother to catch up? I doubt it. I think we’ll adapt beautifully to whatever changes our kids throw our way and we will largely do it in private. But I know better than to say anything with certainty. I know better than to try and predict the future. After all, I never would have predicted that we’d have twins.
| 26 February 2010, 12:00 am
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