Surviving Florida in 2017: It helped to have a machete
The Sunshine State often finds itself as the butt of the joke. But year after year, Florida never fails to outdo itself.
There tends to be some sort of wildlife encounter, or maybe a lack of clothing, or sometimes a machete.
The Florida story jackpot? Probably hitting all three.
Here are our picks for some of this year’s top only-in-Florida happenings, many of which happened in our backyard.
Crash on first day of fall, complete with burning pumpkins, shuts down I-75
Florida celebrated the first day of autumn with traffic-halting crash involving a tractor-trailer, which was carrying a load of pumpkins. Luckily no one was seriously injured.
Man meets wildlife
Horse attacks gator in Paynes Prairie Preserve State Park
The typical tropes of animal interactions can include alligator bites man, or man bites dog. But in this case, a horse stomped on an unassuming alligator.
She’s terrified of any lizard. What she found hanging out in her toilet was worse.
Iguanas found in toilets happened so much around Florida, it probably should be expected.
Why did the sea turtle cross the busy road? To lay eggs on the other side
The Florida version of the classic joke played out in real life, as police stopped traffic to help a disoriented sea turtle get safely back to the beach.
Yes, that’s illegal
Three men face animal cruelty charges in shark-dragging video case
After months of investigation, the shark abuse video seen ’round the world was formally tied to three local men, two of whom are sons of Manatee County government officials.
Armed with a machete, robbery victim detains suspect until deputies arrive
Florida crime stories more often than not involve machetes. In the case of shotgun-machete-crowbar vs. machete, the latter apparently wins in Sarasota.
Bradenton woman recognizes man who broke into her house as Facebook friend
Maybe it’s time to unfriend.
You guys thought drunk people climbing the Mexico Pavilion was bad? Apparently 4 people tried to climb the Tree of Life at DAK today. pic.twitter.com/YDQubwpyOO
— Nick Cucerzan (@NCucerzan) December 3, 2017
Ever wanted to climb Disney’s Tree of Life? These guys tried, reports show
Yes, Disney is a magical place. But there are limits.
Man searches ‘how to rob a bank,’ cops say. But he apparently didn’t search how to get away with it
A lot of us use Google to learn how to do something, including this guy.
Bradenton man knew it was illegal to sell sea turtle parts. He was caught trying anyway
“ART — Sea turtle collection: 3,500$,” the handwritten sign read.
Crapperman was on the loose, but police were able to identify him.
Naked is as naked does
“She found a naked woman in her house — and the woman had eaten her pineapple, police say”
A 63-year-old woman was arrested after police say she broke into someone’s home, ate canned pineapple and was naked.
“A naked Florida man caused a lot of damage to vehicles, cops say”
He did an estimated $1,700 worth of damage to two deputies’ cars.
“Lifeguard tried to chase a shark away from a nude beach. That made it attack instead”
The shark appeared to be harassed by the lifeguard, a shark expert said.
Closer to home
Despite bingo night conflict, American Legion post agrees to remain voting location
Bingo night at a Bradenton hangout, which falls on a Tuesday, almost forced 4,000 residents to find a new place to vote.
Hurricane Irma signing was ‘horrible and embarrassing,’ says deaf interpreter
A well-known deaf interpreter said he was embarrassed to learn that days before Hurricane Irma hit the West Coast of Florida, the sign language interpreter used by Manatee County was incoherent.
Couple’s sounds of ‘love’ interrupt Sarasota Open tennis tourney
“It can’t be that good!” Frances Tiafoe shouted, hoping to reach the couple who had filled the normally serious and silent crowd with a fit of giggles.
While moving it in the middle of the night, crews break Confederate monument
Oops.
No matter what anyone else says, we still love you, Florida.
Hannah Morse: 941-745-7055, @mannahhorse
This story was originally published December 26, 2017 at 7:00 AM with the headline "Surviving Florida in 2017: It helped to have a machete."