Giving Back: Want to move forward? Challenge your thinking

My father and I used to play a staring game that was sure to get both of us laughing. We would look at each other stone faced while taking turns repeating the declaration “It’s a solemn occasion” with absolute seriousness. Whoever ended up smiling or laughing first was the loser.

Today, many people are in a contest just like this with anyone on the opposite side of an issue, except no one is laughing.

We get stuck because neither side is able to budge on its ability to compromise, collaborate or dialogue. But decisions impacting our economy, public health or education are rarely effective – and sometimes have unintended consequences – if we only talk to people who believe the same things we do.

I just finished reading a book offering a fresh and much-needed perspective on collaboration. It’s called “Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don’t Agree with or Like or Trust.” Author Adam Kahane asks us to do something difficult – walk away from the mission of convincing everyone else that our individual view is right and become open to changing our own thinking.

This requires courage and commitment, not to mention practice.

Working in philanthropy, my own ideas about the nature of problems and solutions constantly evolve. Manatee Community Foundation partners with donors, nonprofits and citizens to get the best results for our community through charitable giving. We need to listen to what people are telling us and be prepared to walk out of a meeting with a different perspective.

Issues rarely are black and white. New data constantly is available. And when you get to know people with different views, their humanness makes it easier to work through differences.

I have enjoyed being part of so many civil conversations taking place in Manatee County, a number of them in community spaces at the Foundation where more than 4,500 people have convened during the past year or so. Together, residents are taking responsibility for creating better opportunities for everyone.

For example, we are hearing more people acknowledge that communities cannot arrest their way out of the opioid epidemic. The complicated nature of a challenge that impacts employers, children and families, our education system and our economy as a whole has demanded a deeper conversation.

Transitioning to understanding addiction as a public health crisis, not just a law enforcement issue, we can start to build real possibilities for turning it around. Manatee County Government, Drug Free Manatee, the media and others have brought users, parents, police, health care professionals and businesses together to find a way forward.

Partners in Manatee and Sarasota Counties are on a quest to ensure that every child can read on grade level by the end of third grade, a key predictor in life success. Last week, Yolie Flores, senior fellow with the national Campaign for Grade-Level Reading, visited Bradenton and Sarasota to talk about getting results, thanks to The Patterson Foundation.

In communities around the country with greater success in changing outcomes for children, she says, citizens have moved away from blaming the school district, judging parents and focusing on English language only. For some, this approach involves a radical change in thinking. But the data is clear. Community engagement, investments in parent education and nurturing a multi-lingual home life are pathways to change.

Along with my colleague Bronwyn Beightol, the area president of United Way Suncoast, I feel proud of the way people from virtually every background, sector and circumstance are working together in Manatee County on this issue, because they are all focused on the same positive outcome for kids and families.

If you have teenagers at home and want them to embrace a different way of thinking, consider encouraging them to volunteer for Teen Court. They will serve on a jury of peers to hear cases with youth between the ages of 10-17 who admit that they are guilty of misdemeanor offenses and some non-violent felony cases. It’s a great way for a teen to develop discipline and compassion while looking at a problem from another perspective.

Kahane suggests that we move from simply debating with others to being present – really hearing someone else’s point of view without judgment. We do not even have to agree on the solutions. Let’s do more of it together. Are you game?

If the Manatee Community Foundation can connect you to a larger conversation about the causes you care most about, call us at (941) 747-7765.

This story was originally published October 10, 2017 at 12:34 PM with the headline "Giving Back: Want to move forward? Challenge your thinking."