Patriots vs. Eagles? Welcome to the Unlike-A-Bowl Super Bowl, where we wish both teams could lose
As Super Bowl Week commences, New England Patriots vs. Philadelphia Eagles demands that the name of the big game be changed for this season only. Call it the Unlike-A-Bowl.
Has there ever been a Super Bowl matchup that featured two franchises so easy to dislike and so hard to root for?
All of us outside of Massachusetts hate the Patriots and their relentless winning, of course, and none more than Miami Dolphins fans.
The Eagles we love to hate not so much for the team itself, but for its loathsome fans. The Birds last won an NFL championship in pre-Super Bowl 1960, so might otherwise be nominated as a lovable underdog this week, but wishing well for Philadelphia fans would be like hoping Kim Jong-un wins the lottery. In fact GQ magazine once listed the 15 “Worst Sports Fans in America” and Eagles and Phillies fans ranked 1-2. This is the city that once infamously booed Santa Claus – the fans who just recently pelted Minnesota Vikings supporters with full cans of beer in the parking lot following the NFC Championship Game.
It’s the ultimate no-win sports dilemma: Wanting sadness for Philly fans means rooting for Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, and wanting the Patriots to lose means rooting for Eagles fans who would torch the double-decker buses at their own championship parade.
On the bright side, at least this Super Bowl is being played in a great city.
Sure, it was 3 degrees in Minneapolis on Monday. But it’s expected to be 5 by game day!
Note to self: Never live in, or visit, a city whose by-far most famous attraction is a shopping mall.
▪ The Philadelphia contingent arrived at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport on Sunday afternoon, while the New England charter did not arrive until Monday afternoon. It was expected to be the last time all week the Eagles were ever ahead of the Patriots.
▪ As is tradition, Super Bowl Week officially kicked off Sunday with the Pro Bowl in Orlando, the annual all-star game that mysteriously survives despite the fact players don’t want to play in it and fans don’t want to watch it. The AFC beat the NFC 24-23 in what would have been a thrilling game had anybody cared. The game is augmented by “skills competitions” that this year included Drone Drop, Kick Tac Toe and Dodgeball. Lord how I wish I were kidding.
▪ Monday was “Super Bowl Opening Night” at the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul, where the NHL’s Minnesota Wild play. That has replaced the old “Media Day.” One thing that hasn’t changed: Cliched answers to banal questions as players and coaches who don’t want to be there and a herd of reporters who’d rather be out drinking on the company dime compete to see who’s more bored.
▪ Brady cut short his weekly WEEI radio appearance because someone from the station had referred to his 5-year-old daughter as “an annoying little pissant.” It is believed to be the first time in history anybody has felt sorry for the handsome, rich, five-time-champion, married-to-a-supermodel quarterback.
▪ Gronk Update: Patriots star tight end Rob Gronkowski remains in concussion protocol, his availability for Sunday still in question. Gronk appears confused and disoriented. Sort of like the same as when he doesn’t have a concussion.
▪ The Madden ’18 video game, which has correctly predicted 10 of the past 14 SB winners, says the Pats will beat the Eagles, 24-20. Miffed the actual game will now be anticlimactic, the NFL late Monday quietly canceled this year’s Super Bowl.
This story was originally published January 30, 2018 at 9:04 AM with the headline "Patriots vs. Eagles? Welcome to the Unlike-A-Bowl Super Bowl, where we wish both teams could lose."