How project instructions fail miserably

Many pundits say the sexes are alike. Not in my world.

Recently, I bought a carpet knife so I could cut up an outside door mat to finish the tiling job in my patio area. I opened the knife package to start my project.

I checked out the directions, which consisted of three pictures. They say that a picture is worth a thousand words, but in this case I would prefer the words.

The first picture was titled “To change blade,” second picture titled “Para tocar la lamina,” the next two pictures read “Pour changer la lame.” If the English title shed no light on the subject, why throw in other languages?

Maybe that was for clarity.

I started fiddling with the knife pieces, thinking very unkind thoughts about whoever perpetrated this fiasco, as I gingerly picked up a blade. The blade came with dire warnings: “blades are extremely sharp, handle with care,” and the corker was “wear gloves to protect hands.” How on God’s green Earth are you going to work on this little piece of ingenuity with gloves on?

I have a very strong theory that all directions for putting things together are made by men who assume that anyone, including the fairer sex, know a lot before they begin a project.

Try assuming that all do-it-your-selfers are idiots. Start with pictures that show every detail and are marked directionally. Better still, hire women to write directions for everything that is manufactured.

End of story: I gave up the struggle with the knife and took it to a neighbor for help. Three very competent men were. I left the knife, went home and waited. Even all three men were baffled and told me to take it back to the store and buy one already assembled.

Perhaps there are a few ways in which men and women are alike.

This story was originally published September 4, 2016 at 4:51 PM with the headline "How project instructions fail miserably."