Florida driving frustrations

Tips for driving in the state of Florida:

1. When pulling out of your development or side road, be sure to blow through the stop sign to get ahead of right-of-way traffic, then proceed to do 10 mph under the speed limit because, after all, safety is important.

2. While sitting at a traffic light texting, pretend not to notice the light has turned green 15 seconds ago; after all, who cares if the person five cars back makes the light, you did that’s all that’s important.

3. If you drive a Mercedes, BMW or Infiniti, traffic laws do not apply to you; you paid a lot of money for that car, and entitlement has its privileges.

4. When coming up on wildlife trying to cross the road, just plow right through them; after all, your appointment is far more important than they are.

5. All dump trucks, tractor trailers and heavy equipment vehicles, be sure to be out there every morning in the thick of rush hour; why should the cars have all the fun?

6. If you work for FDOT, especially in the traffic light division, be sure to synchronize the traffic lights so that when the light you’re are sitting at finally turns green after five minutes, the next one turns red automatically. Continue this procedure up and down major roads and highways.

7. When you’re on a road with two or three lanes that merge into one, be sure to beat everyone to be first in line; for days we will all talk about how impressed we were.

8. When following someone on a two-lane road, be sure to ride their backside even if they are doing the speed limit; after all, you're way too cool to drive the speed limit.

This story was originally published May 29, 2016 at 11:36 AM with the headline "Florida driving frustrations."