Kameron Partridge Hodgens: Transitioning to 'Infant Life' took a Village

The last time I wrote for this column, I was 34 weeks' pregnant with our baby girl Evelyn and stressing about joining the New Mommies Club. Today, Evy turns 14 weeks old and I am completing my first month back at work, full time. Life is full and our little girl is a beautiful blessing.

But I have to say, writing that first column feels like a lifetime ago, and in some ways it was. I mourned saying goodbye to a life that was spontaneous, included a full night's sleep, and could be self-indulgent anytime, anywhere. No one told me how difficult transitioning to an Infant Life would be. I guess I sort of knew, but the reality is vastly different.

To be quite honest, I unexpectedly struggled emotionally the first few weeks after her delivery. Yes, I had a beautiful, healthy, mostly happy baby, but I felt like I couldn't connect to her. And because of that, I felt flawed on the inside, like I was a bad mom. My feelings were exacerbated by those around me who seemed overjoyed at the birth of our daughter.

Why didn't I feel that way? And why didn't anyone warn me that this might happen? Sure, you hear about post-partum depression, but that couldn't be what I was experiencing. Or was it?

I am a fiercely independent person, so asking for help or admitting that something is wrong is completely out of character for me and is beyond difficult. And I don't think in those dark weeks that I ever actually asked for help. But those who know me knew that I wasn't my normal self. What new mom is? A new mom lives at the toxic intersection of sleepless nights and daily unknowns. It's enough to make anyone a bit off-kilter.

Enter the Village. Never in my life have I felt so alone yet so unbelievably loved. The people who came to my house to visit Evy, drop off a gift, bring lunch, flowers, or dinner, send a card, a text, or words of support -- they are the reason I made it through the first few weeks post-partum. You know who you are and I will be eternally grateful to you.

On a recent Friday night at home, out of my funk and with my daughter comfortably resting in my arms, I was overcome with a feeling of joy and gratitude, remembering all of my friends, colleagues and acquaintances who, likely without knowing it, helped me through those initial weeks.

And then there is my family. Without my husband and my parents, I definitely wouldn't be in the better place that I am in today. I remember the day, about six weeks after Evy was born, when my mom said to me, "You're finally moving forward." Without really knowing what she meant, I knew exactly what she meant! I could feel the shift emotionally. The days were brighter, my routine with Evy was becoming more regular, and most importantly, everyone was sleeping a bit better.

My husband and I are both psychologist poor kid! We both are likely guilty of over-analyzing Evy's every move and breath, and recently we had to remind each other to give ourselves a break. I think that's a big part of healthy parenting -- acknowledging that you're doing the best you can at any given moment. We know we're doing just that and now, at 14 weeks old, Evy spends the majority of her day with a smile on her face and with her bright beautiful blue eyes wide open absorbing the world. We finally know we're doing something right!

Now I'm back at work and life is somewhat back to my normal, known routine. Returning to work has been much easier because I know Evy is in great hands while I'm gone. She's either with her grandmother who loves her to no end or with our nanny, who in four weeks has taught me more about child rearing than I could learn doing it on my own.

The Village lives on, and I have never been more comfortable and appreciative of depending on others in my life. Again, we all have to be doing something right because for the first time in 14 weeks, Evy slept 6 1/2 hours in one stretch last night.

Life is good.

Dr. Kameron Partridge Hodgens, CEO of The Glasser Schoenbaum Human Services Center in Sarasota, can be reached at 941-365-4545 or khodgens@gs-humanservices.org

This story was originally published October 25, 2015 at 12:00 AM with the headline "Kameron Partridge Hodgens: Transitioning to 'Infant Life' took a Village ."