Maria V. Zavala: Coping with pain is a balancing act
The month of August, my birthday month, was joyful and painful. Let me just say upfront that I am almost over what felt like an insurmountable emotional and spiritual mountain.
As always, I demand to see the lesson in every experience, and this was no different -- except that this time, I decided to share this lesson with you. Although I felt at times I couldn't handle it anymore, physically or emotionally, I was able to lift myself out of the fog and begin to heal. My lesson was the realization this isn't the case with so many who suffer from constant chronic pain and depression.
The emotional and health roller-coaster began early in the month. I found myself confronting some difficult health challenges that just kept getting progressively worse. I was losing a lot of weight, my immune system was low and I was in constant physical pain and fatigue.
Between doctor's visits, blood work and X-rays, there was the sheer exhaustion of moving my office of 12 years from Palmetto to Bradenton while attempting to stay on top of all my job responsibilities, working on community projects. oh, there was plenty more, but you must get the gist by now. It was clear that the health issues were adding to the stresses and the stresses were complicating the health issues.
The old standbys weren't working. I kept reminding myself it was a bad month, not a bad life, and there was so much for which to be grateful. Try as I might, I just couldn't avoid landing right back on that merry-go-round, and I just needed it to stop so I could clear my head. I couldn't think straight, and I noticed I was spiraling down a dark place emotionally as I continued to feel I had precious little power to change anything that was happening.
Coincidently, I was reading Gary Zukav's work "The Heart of the Soul: Emotional Awareness" at the time. He writes that being emotionally aware is central to our spiritual development. As I read, I knew this would not stop the physical pain, but I hoped some perspective could be gained, and it was.
Simply put, Zukav defines emotional aware
ness as "becoming aware of everything that you are feeling at every moment." Really, I thought, everything at every moment, isn't that what I had been doing? Wasn't that part of the problem here? But I found that it isn't just about knowing you are feeling "bad." Zukav writes that feelings of powerlessness come from moments of fear. Knowing this, we can look to recognize our own power of choice, If we look inward. I already knew that lowering the stress factors can lower the health complications. We can choose not to add to the pain.
Meanwhile, birthday plans had been made by many to celebrate with me. Wonderful award celebrations and more. Surrounded by so much love, how could I feel anything but pure joy? But throughout all the celebrations and good news that month, the pain and the fatigue remained constant. Looking inward was helping me develop my emotional awareness so I could recognize that I wasn't powerless -- I could choose my intention.
Intention, according to Zukav, is the quality of consciousness you bring to an action, there are only two, love or fear. When we come from a place of fear, we are just masking the pain of powerlessness, we feel confusion, anger and anxiety. But the energy released in love and trust produces health, contentment, gratitude, and joy. In our moments of fear, we can recognize what our own power of choice is. I knew that once the stresses were identified and addressed, the healing could begin.
I have two sisters who suffer from fibromyalgia. I realized that they rarely complain. They manage their pain and try to find joy in those special moments in their lives. After just one month, I was desperate. I felt for the many chronic pain sufferers who live with this day in and day out without much relief in sight. I have a newfound empathy and respect for them for they feel the pain and do it anyway.
Maybe Zukav's work on emotional awareness can help them learn how not to add to their pain. I can't say I know what you feel, but I can say that for a moment there I understood quite well that the fear manifested through anger, confusion, and anxiety were only masking the pain of feeling powerless.
Zukav's work on emotional awareness can't help alleviate the pain for chronic sufferers, but it might help them learn how not to add to their pain. The feelings of powerlessness subsided a little when I was able to focus on those things I can control -- the stresses -- and not those I could not -- the physical pain. I stopped making it worse. For a moment there, I understood quite well how the fear manifested through anger, confusion, and anxiety were only masking the pain of feelings of powerless.
Maria V. Zavala, founder of Latinas of the Women's Resource Center, can be reached at merizavala@aol.com.
This story was originally published September 20, 2015 at 12:00 AM with the headline "Maria V. Zavala: Coping with pain is a balancing act ."