Maria Zavalas: In finding my personal freedom, I found happiness

My quest for personal freedom began here in Florida just a few years back.

I arrived 15 years ago full of plans, accomplished in my own right, knowing who I was, ready to retire and live the "good life" -- or so I thought. Little did I know that my life would be turned upside down when my relationship of 25 years abruptly ended only one year later.

Pride got in the way when my family and friends reminded me with love that I didn't have to do this by myself, that I should just come home. But I refused having this pitiful image in my head of a dog returning with his tail between his legs, accepting defeat. Still, fear can paralyze even the strongest of women and anger can blind even the most beautiful of souls. What I was about to face scared the hell out of me.

You see, as many times as I had fallen and gotten back up, as with many life lessons learned the hard way, it wasn't until this last experience that I finally got what I now believe to be my awakening.

It all started with these words in Brendon Burchard's "The Motivation Manifesto" that I had my "aha" moment: "We have patiently suffered long enough, hoping that someone or some kind of luck would one day grant us more opportunity and happiness. But nothing external can save us, and the fateful hour is at hand when we either become trapped at this level of life or we choose to ascent to a higher plane of consciousness and joy. In this ailing and turbulent world, we must find peace within and become more self-reliant in creating the life we deserve."

He wrote of this blind desire we all have to be judged worthy, acceptable and lovable by people who hardly know our true hearts and powers. Personal freedom, according to Burchard, is "liberty from the restrictions of social oppression and the tragic self-oppression that is fear." It is then that we can feel "unbounded, independent and self-reliant."

It was time for me to step up and get out of my own way.

Depressed, in pain, alone, feeling lost and afraid, I doubted myself and disconnected from my authentic self. It was like I was pretending to be the me I thought I was before all of this happened. I was not exactly feeling worthy, acceptable of or loveable during this time. Yet I felt

I had no choice but to pick up the shattered pieces of my life and begin again. But what if this time I did it for me?

I just wanted to be happy, I thought. Most people make the mistake of believing that happiness will come when we are successful, wealthy, healthy and, of course, in nurturing relationships. I had all of these things and here I sat very unhappy.

Deepak Chopra writes in "The Ultimate Happiness Prescription" that in fact these are by-products, not the cause, of happiness.

"Human beings in particular suffer as a result of memory and imagination. We carry inside us wounds of the past and imagine that the future will bring more pain," he wrote. "Therefore, for millions of people, today is planned around escaping yesterday's pain and avoiding pain tomorrow."

So it is suffering that causes unhappiness. What causes suffering? According to the Vedic and Buddhist traditions of ancient India, the No. 1 cause is ignorance of your true identity. True happiness is not attached to anything external. Many things can bring us joy, but happiness: That's an inside job.

So who is keeping us from being happy? Burchard's response: We are! WE let our own negative thoughts and actions restrict us. WE burden our spirit by incessant doubt, worry, fear and distraction. WE are the ultimate oppressors of our own happiness.

I've learned that self-reliance doesn't just mean surviving, it is about thriving. I've re-discovered me, the authentic me, and I know my true heart and power. My whole perspective on life has changed.

I fully expect that life will continue to bring challenges and that I will feel loss again. But this time I will not lose myself or my happiness, because I no longer attach it to external people or things.

I know it sounds simple, but I choose to be happy. I have finally freed myself to be the type of person that I want to be so that I can live the life I've always wanted, this time for me.

Oh, I'm far from perfect and I'm not completely there. But I'm on a wonderful path, welcoming all the happiness and joy that I deserve as I share my journey along the way. It is in that sharing that I will leave my legacy.

Maria V. Zavala, founder of Latinas of the Women's Resource Center, can be reached at merizavala@aol.com.

This story was originally published April 19, 2015 at 12:00 AM with the headline "Maria Zavalas: In finding my personal freedom, I found happiness ."