Babytalk | Mothering is hard. Celebrate Mother’s Day with kindness and a little appreciation
Mothering is hard work. Growing a baby stresses all the mother’s bodily functions. Hormones rage and emotions can fluctuate. Sleep is compromised even before giving birth, as the growing baby puts pressure on the mother’s bladder. I wonder if having to get up in the middle of the night to go the bathroom is one of nature’s ways of preparing the mother for interrupted sleep after the baby comes. Then there is a thing called “labor,” really hard work. The reward for all of this work is holding a baby in your arms, realizing it is because of your body, this baby is alive.
Because we are humans, we take simple thoughts and make them complicated. Because we are women, we seek the advice of others as we learn to navigate our own style of mothering. Confident mothering is a process. It takes time, trial and error, being patient with yourself and your baby.
Mothers today use the internet, blogs, chats, social media and each other. I am honored that mothers also use people like me, a board certified lactation consultant, for guidance as they find their own style of mothering.
When I asked the moms in my weekly support group this week how they plan to celebrate “Mother’s Day,” they didn’t really respond with anything special. For most of them, it is their first time being a mother on the second Sunday in May. It had not really hit them what it is going to be like actually being a mother on Mother’s Day.
So for anyone out there reading this, who is wondering how to best celebrate the mother in your life, I actually know what every mother wants on Mother’s Day.
They want kind words and sincere appreciation for doing their best at being the best mother they can be.
Funny thing about kindness and listening, everyone wins when it happens. When we are kind to someone we actually benefit physically ourselves. Being kind to someone boosts the serotonin in our brain. Serotonin is the neurotransmitter which gives us a sense of well-being and satisfaction.
Women tend to be critical of themselves. Modern cultural conditions have increased the intensity of self-criticism.
Let’s get together on the same page and start using kind words. Let’s be nice to each other. Being “nice” simply means to give pleasure or joy to others. Saying a few nice words to someone can boost their day and yours as well.
In the book “The Five Love Languages,” words of affirmation are considered one of the love languages. We are powerfully influenced by the words spoken to us.
If a mother asks you for advice, find the good she is already doing and build upon it. Find what you can praise about her first before offering any advice. She will appreciate you noticing the goodness she is bringing to her role of mother.
Whether a mother is using cloth diapers or paper, breastfeeding or using formula, she needs to have support from those around her. Encouraging words of appreciation are the words new mothers need to hear the most. Respecting a mother’s decision to care for her baby, her way, will help her more than anything else.
New mothers, experienced mothers, step mothers, mother figures, actually every single person benefits from kindness and words of appreciation.
And by the way, thank you for your kind emails and I appreciate you reading this column.
Katie Powers, R.N., is a board-certified lactation consultant and perinatal educator at Manatee Memorial Hospital’s Family BirthPlace.