Babytalk | What do mothers need? Just be nice to them

Mothering is hard work. Mothering is really more about “on the job training” than always having the right answer for every situation. Mothering brings with it personal pressure to do everything right so you won’t harm your child. We live in a society that expects quick answers. We also live in a society that feels entitled to judge others. Mothers today are bombarded with advice. Everyone has an opinion on the best way to do everything, ranging from how to feed your baby, to what kind of diapers to use. What mothers need most is kindness and someone to listen to them as they figure out what to do best for their family. Funny thing about kindness and listening, everyone wins when it is practiced. When we are kind to someone we actually benefit physically ourselves. Being kind to someone actually boosts the serotonin in our brain. Serotonin is the neurotransmitter that gives us a sense of well-being and satisfaction. Women naturally are critical of themselves. A report out of the United Kingdom found that women criticize themselves at least eight times a day. Their research showed that being unkind to ourselves is an underlying theme for women. They also found that modern cultural conditions have increased the intensity of this unkindness. They found the reasoning for the pervasive self-judgment was due in large part to the global phenomena of social media. Let’s get together on the same page and start using kind words. Let’s be nice to each other. The word nice means to give pleasure or joy to others. Saying a few nice words to someone else can boost their day and yours as well. In the book “The Five Love Languages,” words of affirmation are considered one of the love languages. We are powerfully influenced by the words spoken to us. If a mother asks you for advice, find the good she is already doing and build upon it. Find what you can praise about her as you share your thoughts. She will be appreciative beyond measure. Whether a mother is using cloth diapers or paper, breastfeeding or using formula, she needs to have support from those around her. Encouraging words are the words new mothers need to hear the most. Respecting a mother’s decision to care for her baby, her way, will help her more than anything else. All you mothers out there, I hope you have a great Mothers Day in a couple of weeks. Feel good about your decisions you have made in caring for your baby. Practice praising yourself. These are hard times, take joy in watching your baby grow. Katie Powers, R.N., is a board-certified lactation consultant and perinatal educator at Manatee Memorial Hospital’s Family BirthPlace. Her column appears every other week in Healthy Living in the Bradenton Herald. Contact her at katie.powers@mmhhs.com.