In the hard world of fostering, a Palmetto family triumphs

The photograph is surprising.

When Guardian Angels of Southwest Florida foster parents Ruben and Jessica Gutierrez recently posed for a picture with a sibling group of four girls they are fostering and their own biological daughter, Kaylie, 7, the body language of all seven seemed to convey peace, togetherness and love.

But how is that possible given the situation?

The siblings — Lyla, 6, Jozelynn, 9, Sierra, 11 and Cheyenne, 13 — over the past two years have gone through the traumatic process of losing their home and parents to drug-related neglect.

And yet, the photograph reveals not only the absence of sadness in any of the seven faces, but Sierra, 11, is leaning her head back on Ruben’s shoulder like any girl would do with her daddy and Jozelynn, 9, is hugging Kaylie, 7, like they have known each other all their lives, and not just two years.

Ruben and Jessica Gutierrez not only provide safety and security, but have found the path to make their four sibling girls and four other foster children feel happy in their 11-person Guardian Angel home, said Bobbi and Floyd Price of Guardian Angels of Southwest Florida. The non-denominational Christian organization has built three large foster homes for abused, abandoned or neglected children on the organization’s nine-acre Manasota Campus in Palmetto and offer couples, like the Gutierrezes, room and board and a small stipend for giving all they have to the children.

There are currently 20 foster children living in the three homes, which Guardian Angels supervises in partnership with Florida Baptist Children’s Homes.

The Prices wished to recognize the Gutierrezes achievements since May is National Foster Care Month.

“Ruben and Jessica are success stories,” Bobbi Price said a few days ago.

Manatee has great need for fostering

Most people know that Manatee County is currently in a drug epidemic that has had profound impacts on children, said William Grear, a program supervisor with National Youth Advocate Program, an Ohio-based organization that recently was asked by the state of Florida to open an office in Sarasota to assist in the crisis.

“Children in Manatee are being removed from their birth families every day and night,” Grear said Monday. “There is a shortage of foster homes in Manatee so kids are having to move to different counties. So, the kids are already losing their families and now they are losing their communities and their friends.”

But the real question before Manatee citizens is what would it be like to foster one of the estimated 1,200 children who have been removed from their homes in the Manatee and Sarasota area, Grear added.

“I tell people they need to come in with patience and compassion and treat them like your own kids,” Grear said. “The biggest challenge, I think, is that you may fall in love with the kids and then they have to go back home. But, often, you can become a mentor to the biological parent and they will still involve you in their child’s life. The rewards can be great. Often I hear our foster parents say they took a child to the beach or mall and it was the child’s first time being there.”

Grear, who held an informal information session on fostering at the main branch of the Manatee County library recently, which attracted six potential foster families, said there are many myths about fostering in Manatee County.

“You can be single, married or in a same-sex relationship,” Grear said.

“You have to be in good health,” Grear added. “Your income needs to exceed your expenses. You must pass a criminal background check. You have to go through a free training course. You have to have room in your home and, most of all, you must have a willingness to care for children who have been abused, neglected or abandoned.”

The couple must be strong

Ruben and Jessica Gutierrez have been married for 10 years but have been together for 16 years, both graduating from Manatee High School in 2002. Ruben is a truck driver for Sysco while Jessica is a stay-at-home mom who manages their large family.

They talk about everything, the couple said.

“We find ourselves talking every night about their behaviors,” Ruben said.

The Gutierrezes have learned about “triggers,” sudden sights, sounds, places and actions that can bring back bad memories from when their parents were unstable.

They work through the triggers with understanding.

“You learn as you go,” Jessica said. “You learn the kids, what their triggers are. You have to keep teaching yourself how to better meet their needs. When it doesn’t work for you and you have a really bad day, you kind of have to get up again the next day and say, ‘OK, we have to make it better. We have to try harder. We have to learn different ways to handle them so that we’re not continuing the same activities.’ ”

Transitions are hard for foster kids and so Ruben and Jessica step in.

“When people are leaving out of their lives it affects them,” Jessica said. “Even when other foster children are transitioning back to reunify with their parents it’s hard on the ones left.”

“You spend more time with them,” Ruben said. “You show them consistency.”

Jessica said if she could offer advice to families thinking of fostering she would say, “I think there is so much heartache with fostering but with heartache comes so many rewards. We never thought we would be able to foster this many children and now we have so much to be grateful for.”

And, by the way, something is happening to the Gutierrezes this summer that falls into the grateful category.

Ruben and Jessica and Kaylie have decided to adopt Jozelynn, Sierra, Lyla and Cheyenne.

The family has decided that when the adoption is finalized at summer’s end they will leave Guardian Angels for their own home. They feel they have served God and God has now blessed them with a five-girl family they want to focus on.

“We kept Kaylie informed throughout this whole process,” Jessica said. “We wanted to know if her heart was open to the adoption process. As time has gone on, her heart has opened just as ours has. I don’t think you can really come into fostering and say, ‘Oh, I want to adopt four girls and it’s going to be perfect and we are going to do this and we will have a family of five kids.’ I think it is something you have to live through and pray and see where God leads you in your own heart.”

This story was originally published May 8, 2017 at 3:05 PM with the headline "In the hard world of fostering, a Palmetto family triumphs."