East Manatee mother’s story shows incredible resilience

Doctors can now analyze a football player’s brain to see if chronic traumatic encephalopathy had a hand in his demise, from repeated blows to the head.

But what scientists can’t do — at least not yet — is analyze a mother’s heart to see how it is able to sustain terrible emotional blows and keep on beating.

If such a test does arrive, then the mother’s heart that should have the honor of the first test — it is hoped many, many years from now since she’s certainly deserving of a long life — would belong to 83-year-old East Manatee resident Dorothy J. Highley.

On Sunday, Highley, her gray hair cut in a cute bob, was greeted with “Happy Mother’s Day” from many as she arrived for the 10 a.m. service at Christian Retreat Family Church off Upper Manatee River Road, where she has been an church member since 1988 and a longtime volunteer in the church cafe. She now lives on the grounds in a park model home.

“Dorothy is such a warm person,” said Lisa Amudzi, an intern at Christian Retreat. “She is always willing to help everybody and anybody. She will take the food off her table to feed somebody. She is full of love, always happy, always smiling. I go to her for advice. She is like my stepmom, even though I have a mom.”

But while many at the church and in the community adore Highley, few know the incredible resilience of her mother’s heart or her remarkable life story.

Highley didn’t become a clean and sober person until she was age 50. Now, as she recalls those past lost years, she says the pain can sometimes be excruciating when she thinks of her six children, who were growing up with little direction because she was intoxicated most of the time and running with different men.

“I had no good role models, and I wasn’t a good role model,” Highley said of the home she provided.

At one point, she ran with members of the Chicago mafia.

Of her six kids, four sons all got on drugs, which killed two of them.

Robert was killed riding on an ATV in Colorado. The handle bars ruptured his heart.

Georgie died in Texas after years of drug abuse.

A daughter, Jean, was given up to adoption, and Highley, despite her efforts, didn’t meet her for 39 years. She is now a Sunday school teacher in Illinois.

The six children gave her 16 grandchildren, including a 6-week-old granddaughter, Sonja, who died in her arms of crib death.

Of her 23 great-grandchildren, she lost a great granddaughter to suicide. Six grandsons have been in and out of jail.

“People say to me, ‘Mother, how can you endure the things that have happened to you, the death of two sons, a granddaughter that died, a 13-year-old great granddaughter that committed suicide, “Highley said. “The answer is I can’t. The pain is so excruciating that it takes my breath away. I can’t breathe.”

But she says she asks God to help her take away the pain, and he does.

“God’s spirit dwells inside of me,” Highley said. “So, it’s the spirit of God that I turn to.”

People ask Highley all the time what to do about kids on drugs. She often agrees to talk to them and when she does she simply reaches out her hand to the person who needs help.

“When I meet someone struggling, I tell them, ‘Nothing can take away your desire for substances. Not really. Nothing a doctor can give you. You have to want to live a different life.’ “ Highley said. “I say to them, ‘Here, take my hand. I will guide you across the river. I will take you to the place. But you have to let me lead you.’ I actually put out my hand. If they take it, I take them to God.”

This story was originally published May 14, 2017 at 3:17 PM with the headline "East Manatee mother’s story shows incredible resilience."