Investor Column | The last CPA on planet Earth in the age of COVID-19

Every tax season, there are challenges like TurboTax poaching a few clients and learning all the new tax law changes. This tax season, however, I got more than I bargained for with a killer virus trying to wipe out the worlds’ population.

Accountants, as luck would have it, are now saving the world. We’re considered essential professionals because people need tax refunds to pay rent and buy their groceries

In my younger years, I read a lot of science fiction books like “Andromeda Strain,” “The Stand,” and zombie novels. I used to fear the IRS. Now, I’m afraid of the Coronavirus.

To stay healthy, clients give me their tax documents with secure Email (preferred) or drop off in the bin in front of my building. I’m also conducting more client meetings via phone or through a video application, such as FaceTime.

Yeah, I’m a total germaphobe. Clients who insist on in-office meetings must stay ten feet away. After clients leave, I obsessively spray surfaces, knobs, and seating with Lysol and Clorox wipes. I also use tons of hand sanitizer and then wash my hands repeatedly. My hands feel like an alligator.

This year I have a new office assistant. His name is Champ, and he’s a sweet yellow Labrador Retriever that I’m puppy raising for Southeastern Guide Dogs.

Champ, age 15 months, goes to work with me every day. He was scheduled to go into Southeastern Guide Dogs for advanced training in late April, but due to the Coronavirus, Champ leaves me June 23. Only one in four dogs in training will ultimately work as a guide dog for a blind person. My money is on Champ making it. He’s not a dud and has mastered all his benchmarks.

Champ is a great blessing as I prepare tax returns in my office, listening to scary news. He usually sleeps lovingly under my desk. I worry there’s a blind person in quarantine who might miss out on his forever-dog Champ. Southeastern Guide Dogs has challenges, like all organizations, and has unfortunately postponed Champ’s advanced training twice.

I still work a lot of overtime. My day usually starts at 8:30 a.m. and runs to 7:30 p.m. Or longer. I work both Saturday and Sunday to get tax returns done. I’m usually more productive on the weekends because there are fewer interruptions.

As both a registered financial advisor and a CPA, I have proper training and experience to quickly ascertain a client’s overall financial situation for appropriate business and investment solutions. Usually, I joke about being dull or vanilla as a financial advisor. That means using conservative or moderate portfolios that help minimize risk by using lots of different asset classes and bonds. I’ve also advocated fixed indexed annuities where the principle and credited growth are protected. So, despite market turbulence, I feel good about my client portfolios for the long term.

Tax season has a few comforts, too. My wife, Jeannine, a McNeal Elementary teacher now teaching from our dining room, makes me a great lunch to bring to work. Jeannine’s menu is absolutely restaurant quality. I enjoy feasting on Jeannine’s Chicken Cordon Bleu, barbecue chicken, and homemade lasagna.

Every year some stressed-out Bradenton tax preparer gets sick or is hospitalized during tax season. Naturally, the conditions under which a CPA makes a living are challenging. Every irregular heartbeat or throbbing eye makes me something of a hypochondriac. Now I also fear coughing, sneezing, and temperatures.

I think I’m going to be busy after-tax season, extended to July 15, with displaced workers seeking help with their retirement plans. Hopefully, my clients and I will stay healthy, but, unfortunately, I expect some work regarding spousal IRA contributions and inherited IRAs may increase.

Sure, working tax season is scary, but as the “last” CPA on the planet earth, I still enjoy helping people who count on me.

Jim Germer is a Bradenton CPA and financial adviser at 100 Third Ave. W., Suite 130. Call (941) 746-5600 or email jim.germer@ceterafs.com. Securities offered through Cetera Financial Specialists LLC (doing insurance business in CA as CFGFS Insurance Agency) member FINRA/SIPC. Advisory services offered through Cetera Investment Advisers LLC. Cetera entities are under separate ownership from any other named entity.