Faith Matters | No one wants to feel lonely. The key is to find the right friends

There’s something beautifully simple about children.

Do you remember what it was like playing in a sandbox? When another kid walked up, you’d simply invite her to play. You didn’t need to know where she lived, what her dad did for a living or even what her name was. All you needed to know was if she was interested in playing in the sand with you. She would say yes, and you’d have a new friend. It was that simple.

It doesn’t seem to be that simple anymore. Somehow we’ve made making new friends much more complicated. And in the process we have fewer friends.

A study published by the global health service company Cigna, found that 46 percent of U.S. adults report sometimes or always feeling lonely. They also found 47 percent report feeling left out. Age and gender doesn’t discriminate with loneliness either; 22% of millennials report feeling like they have no friends, and 35% of men admit to feeling lonely at least once week.

What’s worse is that loneliness affects more than just how we feel. According to a Harvard University study, feeling lonely for an extended period of time is the equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, being an alcoholic. never exercising, or being morbidly obese. Your very life expectancy is affected by having or not having friends.

But we don’t just want people around us. We want the right people around us. People who share our faith, our ethics and our morality. We want friends who are fun, trustworthy with our secrets, and whom we can depend on.

1 Kings 12 records a story about King Solomon’s son Rehoboam. He was taking the throne and the people of the country requested he go easier on them than his father did. Solomon had worked them pretty hard, and they wanted relief from all the labor and taxes. The new King Rehoboam sought counsel with the old men who guided him toward leniency. They explained that if he treated them well they would follow him anywhere. He didn’t like their advice, so he sought the counsel of his friends, young men with whom he had grown up. These were young men who hadn’t paid their taxes or worked the hours like the people of the nation. They encouraged him to say this: ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s thighs. And now, whereas my father laid on you a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke. My father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.’”

The statistics don’t lie and the scripture is clear. Friends are important. But finding the right friends is even more important. We weren’t designed to do life alone. God wired us to share our lives with other people. It’s not really that complicated. But for some reason we make it hard and end up feeling alone. What if we took a trip down memory lane and just invite someone to play in our sandbox.

J. Phillip Hamm is the senior pastor at First Baptist Church of Palmetto. Reach the church at 941-722-7795 or visit fbcpalmetto.com. Faith Matters is a regular feature of Saturday’s Bradenton Herald written by local clergy members.