Faith Matters: During this holiday season, remember the power of your words
You’ve probably heard about the toothpaste analogy when it comes to our words.
A child takes a tube of toothpaste and squeezes out the contents. Easy.
Then they are told to put all the toothpaste back in the tube. Nowhere close to easy.
The same is true for the words that come out of our mouths. Once we say them, they are out there and very difficult to take back.
In this last week family, friends and neighbors have gathered together and exchanged words. Thanksgiving is the kickoff to a season that involves quite a few words -- again with family, friends and neighbors, but also with salespeople, wait staff and co-workers.
We will all use quite a few words between now and Christmas. What kind of words will you speak?
Will you make jokes about the NFL playoffs? Will you get into a fierce political debate with your brother that, if left unchecked, could end up in fisticuffs? What will you say to the employee who goes searching for one of the must-have toys only to return and tell you that it is out of stock?
Some conversational situations are easier to predict, but this is season that will require some extra attention on our parts.
How will your words fall on the ears of someone who is grieving a loss and spending their first Christmas without someone they love? What kind of impact will your words have on a family who is struggling to put food on the table? How will a teenager, who is already battling undiagnosed anxiety and depression, receive your words?
In a season that is supposed to be about hope, peace, love and joy, we need to recognize the power of our words – what we speak and what we write. Proverbs 15:4 says, “gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”
Somewhere around the age of 6 my maternal grandmother gave me a present, one that she was very excited to give to me. And I responded to the gift by saying, “Oh Granny, you don’t need to give me anything. My Grandma (my father’s mother) already gave me the best gift ever.”
Talk about crushing the spirit and talk about words that you wish you could take back! Now, to be fair to me, I was only 6. But, I am positive in the decades since I have said some equally spirit crushing words both intentionally and unintentionally.
The opposite of spirit crushing is life-giving. And life-giving words are gentle ones.
They are the kind of words that look for the very best in other people, that encourage them, that remind them that they are not alone in this world. They are words that communicate to someone else that, “I see you. And you matter to me.”
I think a whole lot about “seeing” people this time of year. I’ve never worked retail, but I imagine that in the middle of long lines, anxious customers, angst over limited supplies and incorrect coupons, it’s easy to not be seen as a person, but more as an outlet for an untold number of strangers’ frustrations.
Likewise, when I make announcements about upcoming fellowship activities at the church, I always scan the room to see whose eyes have cast to the floor or who shrinks in on themselves, feeling alone and unsure if they still have a place at the table without their spouse who they lost this last year. I try my best at the end of the service to extend a personal invitation so that they know that I have seen them and that they still matter and that they are very much wanted.
So whether it is sitting down for a family meal, gathering for a neighborhood football game, buying gifts, getting gas, teaching school, or going to worship, consider the words that you will speak to the people all around you.
The greatest gift you give this year might be when you choose to speak words of life to someone who needs to be seen and needs to know that they still matter.
The Rev. Hope Italiano Lee, lead pastor of Kirkwood Presbyterian Church and The Well, can be reached at 941-794-6229, hope@kpcbradenton.org or biggreenchurch.org. Faith Matters is a regular feature of Saturday’s Bradenton Herald written by local clergy members.