‘You gotta go to a church, or a library’

Some people come to fairly obvious realizations quite slowly. Good company or not, I consider myself among such folks. Several friends of mine at Harbor Community Church have come to such an obvious but regrettable conclusion many years later than we should have: we don’t have any/many friends of color. But that’s changing.

Now that doesn’t mean we don’t have contacts and people we talk to at community events. I mean real friends you invite into your home, have a beer with, spend time listening to and asking questions. Friends. Actual friends.

In the movie “Coming to America,” Eddie Murphy’s royal character receives a friendly rebuke regarding his pursuit of a queen, “You can’t go to a bar to find a good girl. You gotta go to a church, or a library.”

Perhaps wise counsel today, but would such counsel be of any use for folks desiring diverse friendships? Probably not, since Sunday mornings tend to be the most segregated time of the week. And this is not something we can blame on a media bias or ignore it as “Fake News.” This is simply a fact.

After preaching numerous sermons on this issue, hosting a relational diversity conference, and leading several discussions on race at MotorWorks Brewery, our church took a big step toward bringing two very different congregations — though similar in vision — together to fellowship, serve and worship. Both of us want to see relational diversity in our churches, and both know the first place it must start is with new friendships.

Over lunch at Demetrios this past week, seven staff, laity and pastors from Harbor Community Church, and St. Paul’s Missionary Baptist Church (a primarily black congregation) came together to discern practical ways to get men, women, and children together to develop lasting diverse relationships.

By the end of our “business” lunch, our dreams had begun taking shape. Pastor James said to me, “Geoff, this is beautiful, just look at everyone talking.” One woman, an expert in her field, listened to a struggle and shared sensitive helpful counsel. It was as if we’d all known each other for a long time.

Why share this story? Two reasons.

First, we can all become relationally “Seinfeldian” at times — limiting ourselves to three friends who look, act and think like us. Wouldn’t it be mutually beneficial to have more friends? What I noticed today was something I wished I’d noticed a long time ago: I can’t afford to only have friends who look like me. This is what we were missing. Wouldn’t you agree?

Secondly, I’m a firm believer in telling stories because stories give us a picture of what could be. For churches which lack the depth of desired diversity within their own congregations, perhaps partnerships like these will one day serve as a catalyst for diverse growth. Who knows? Our journey with them is just beginning. But my hope is not in how well we do this. My hope is in the One who has written the Christian story. It’s a story which begins with one couple, but ends with one incredibly diverse people.

In the book Revelation we see a vision of all nations worshiping Jesus as well as offering to Him the best of their cultures. We’ll get there one day for sure. But for today, and tomorrow, this partnership is one example of a heavenly impatience that greatly honors Jesus. Maybe for my kids, or maybe for my grandkids, Eddie Murphy’s counsel will be spot on.

This story was originally published May 26, 2017 at 1:46 PM with the headline "‘You gotta go to a church, or a library’."