Faith Matters | Churches must talk about divorce so the broken-hearted know they are ‘deeply beloved’

High on the list of things that churches don’t like to talk about is divorce. Harder still is when churches decide to talk about divorce and, in the process, go out and shoot the wounded. Divorce is one of the most difficult experiences of a person’s life and for the church to ignore that by not speaking of it, or to speak in a way that is devoid of God’s grace, can be extremely damaging to someone’s walk with Christ.

I’ve never met someone who went into a marriage knowing and hoping that it would end in divorce. And yet, it happens. In scripture there are some extremely solid reasons why divorce is sometimes the necessary option: infidelity, lack of provision, and lack of love.

In the Old Testament, God saw the people of Israel as His beloved. But they were unfaithful to Him over and over and over again to the point where in the book of Jeremiah we read, “for all the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, I had sent her away with a decree of divorce.” Our God understands that in situations of infidelity where repentance is not sought, divorce becomes the option of last resort. Our God is a God who personally understands the pain of divorce.

Another reason for divorce could be a lack of provision. And what that means is abandonment. If someone abandons their family, leaves them stranded with nothing, has no intention of ever returning, then divorce again becomes the vital option.

Finally, it must be said that abuse, taken to its extreme, demonstrates a lack of love. No one should ever stay in a marriage where they are in fear for their life or the lives of their children. The church must speak clearly on this issue and should never encourage or guilt someone into staying in a relationship where they are being violently harmed. Divorce, in such cases, would not only be acceptable, it may be a matter of life and death.

Now, this is not to say that the church should be pro-divorce or that God is all for divorce. Nor is it to say that divorce should be the first option when we get bored, tired, or challenged in our marriages. Actually, God has demonstrated throughout the Bible that we are to do everything that we can to reconcile our relationships. That’s the whole point of Jesus – He came that we might be reconciled with God.

We are just a few days away from Valentines’ Day (which, please remember, is not a church holiday). And while many will celebrate, there will be others who mourn a loss because, even in the best case of divorce, there will always remain a brokenness. And that’s exactly why the church should be talking about divorce: because Jesus came to bind up the broken-hearted, to restore our relationship to God, and to forgive us for our sins. May you know on Valentines’ and always, that you are deeply beloved by the Creator and don’t ever let a church, or a preacher, convince you otherwise.

The Rev. Hope Lee, lead pastor of Kirkwood Church can be reached at 941-794-6229, hope@kpcbradenton.org or biggreenchurch.org. Faith Matters is a regular feature of Friday’s Bradenton Herald written by local clergy members.