IMHO: The best, and opposite of the best, Christmas songs

Christmas music is an odd genre, defined almost entirely by references in its lyrics to a specific few weeks of the year. The music can range from the most ethereal classical compositions and sacred hymns to the simplest children’s melodies.

So it’s a bit hard to have an opinion of the genre itself, unless you find “Frosty the Snowman” and Handel’s “Messiah” to be of similar aesthetic quality.

It’s easier to have strong opinions about specific songs, and most of us have our favorites and least favorites. So here are my picks for the best and the worst Christmas songs. Your opinion will likely be different and you can email me at mclear@bradenton com to let me know what an idiot you think I am.

1. “Christmas Is Calling Me Home” by Vibeke Saugestad. You probably don’t know this one, even if you know Saugestad. She’s a solo artist and a member of the wonderful Norwegian pop-punk band the Yum Yums, and she’s phenomenal. Her Christmas EP “From All of Me” is one of the best. “Christmas Is Calling Me Home” is a gorgeously simple and melodic song that’s both remorseful and elevating.

2. “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” by Darlene Love. Probably would have topped this list a few years ago, but this song, which was legendary and obscure for decades, has now become a bit overplayed.

3. “Jingle Bells” by Barbara Streisand. A really fun and frenetic take on the sing-along classic, with tempos that ebb and flow, a neat jazz feel and clever little touches in the instrumental and vocal arrangements.

4. “Merry Christmas Baby” by Otis Redding. One of two classic R&B Christmas songs by the great Charles Brown (the other being “Please Come Home for Christmas”) gets a slightly funky arrangement with a wonderfully relaxed groove from Redding, who, of course, delivers a phenomenal vocal performance.

5. The “Hallelujah” chorus by George Frideric Handel. Actually part of the Eastern portion of the “Messiah,” this piece has become a thrilling Christmas tradition. It can rattle you and uplift you no matter how many times you hear it.

And now the fun part ...

1. “The Little Drummer Boy” by the Harry Simeone Chorale. Horrible beyond belief. Inane lyrics about a mother who wants to soothe her newborn baby by having someone play the drums, exacerbated by a cloying melody and maddening popularity.

2. “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” by Elmo ’n’ Patsy. A novelty song that’s not the least bit funny, or even clever. I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t despise this song, yet we all have to hear it every year.

3. “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time” by Paul McCartney. Sir Paul is one of the best songwriters of the past century. Yet probably most people you know, even people who aren’t musical, could have written this song in half an hour.

4. “Jingle Bell Rock” by Daryl Hall and John Oates. It’s particularly notorious for its video, which is so bad that it’s embarrassing to watch. But the recording is just as awful. It saps all the joy and fun out of Bobby Helms’ rockabilly original.

5. “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” by Band Aid. Noble intentions keep this from being closer to the all-time worst. But a nondescript melody and such lyrics as “There won’t be snow in Africa this Christmastime” (which is largely equatorial, and largely in the southern hemisphere) keep it on the list.

This story was originally published December 21, 2017 at 2:59 PM with the headline "IMHO: The best, and opposite of the best, Christmas songs."