Alan Dell

Commentary: Bowling for Dollars about to kick off

The Bowling For Dollars season begins in 10 days, which is why it’s imperative to take a look at which schools bowled strikes and those who saw their bowl hopes go down the gutter.

On behalf of all couch potatoes in America, this one is for you.

Bowl names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Throwback Bowl

Miami vs. Notre Dame (Sun Bowl) -- Sounds as if the selection committee is trying to recreate this rivalry that used to be dubbed Convicts vs. Catholics. Too late, the Canes are now a bunch of choir boys who had one of the best graduation rates in the country under Randy Shannon, who unfortunately didn’t win and was canned. Notre Dame might be trying to figure out how the Champs Bowl passed the Irish over to take West Virginia. Things sure have changed.

The Harder They Fall Bowl

Boise State vs. Utah (Las Vegas Bowl) -- Both began the season as wannabe BCS busters and were on the verge of cracking the hierarchy of the college football bigwigs until they were done in by other non-automatic qualifiers. Unfortunately, they got each other here and won’t get a chance to prove anything, which is how the BCS wants it.

Money Care Bowl

USF vs. Clemson (Car Care Bowl) -- With an 8-4 record Maryland figured to be the ACC representative in this game, but Clemson (6-6) travels better and will bring more fans who will spend more money, which is more important than points, field goals and won-loss records. USF is just happy it’s not going to St. Petersburg Bowl to play Southern Miss.

Fiasco Bowl

Oklahoma vs. Connecticut (Fiesta Bowl) -- This one figures to be the granddaddy of all bowl duds. If this was UConn’s men’s or women’s basketball teams there might be excitement. But an unranked 8-4 football squad will be an embarrassment to the Big East unless Oklahoma brings in an uninspired team again to Glendale like it did in 2007 when it lost to Boise State in a thriller that became an instant classic. A classic this will not be.

Save Face Bowl

Florida vs. Penn State (Outback Bowl) -- Both teams are coming off an extremely disappointing season and can save some face and sooth their respective alumni base by beating a program that carries a lot of tradition, though it doesn’t have the talent to match it this season.

Mr. Freeze Bowl

Syracuse vs. Kansas State (Pinstripe Bowl) -- The average temperature for New York City in December is 30 degrees, and the last time the Big Apple had a bowl game in 1962 a reported 11,000 people showed up and it was thrown on the scrap heat where it stayed for 48 years. It’s the second most northern city next to Boise to host an outdoor bowl game if that brings any warmth to your toes.

I Lucked Out Bowl

Tulsa vs. Hawaii (Hawaii Bowl) -- Tulsa gets to spend a good amount of time in Hawaii, which is a heck of a lot better than being in Oklahoma in December. The Golden Hurricanes should just have a good time and forget about who scores the most points. They made their season by beating Notre Dame; enjoy the weather and the festivities. No one not living on the island cares who wins this game and your victory over the Irish will live in infamy.

Redemption Bowl

South Carolina vs. Florida State (Chik-fil-A Bowl) -- South Carolina gets to return to Atlanta where they got toasted by Auburn in the SEC championship game. The Seminoles need a win after looking like chestnuts roasted on an open fire by Virginia Tech in the ACC championship game. It will be fun to watch Steve Spurrier go against Jimbo Fisher, who leads a school the ole ball coach once dubbed Free Shoes University and couldn’t stop from throwing barbs at during his days at Florida.

Walter Mitty Bowl

Louisville vs. Southern Mississippi (St. Pete Beef O Brady Bowl) -- If anyone outside of Louisville or Hattiesburg, Miss., can find a reason to attend this game they get the Mitty award for being a creative genius.

Patrick Henry Bowl

UCF vs. Georgia (Liberty Bowl) -- The Golden Knights need to take a “Give Me Liberty or Death” attitude into this game so they can secure a win over an SEC opponent. It will strengthen their argument that they should break the chains that bind them to a non-BCS conference and get an invitation to the join the Big East.

If you think all of this is nonsense then write your congressman or college president and demand a playoff.

Then again, you might not want to waste pen and paper. They will write back and say the bowl season was a success because no team with a losing record went to a bowl game.