To: Donnie Trump
From: Santa Claus
I received your recent letter, Donnie, asking for an early Christmas present – Roy Moore’s election to the Senate. That wish was dealt with by the honorable voters of Alabama.
Donnie, you’ve been a very bad boy all year, and now you’re on the Naughty List. Why? Because of the constant lying, even to your supporters. For your bigotry, and for putting the rich and powerful ahead of the poor and middle classes. You’re on the Naughty List, Donnie, because of your decisions against health insurance, the EPA, global warming, women's and LGBT rights and for shrinking national monuments so oil companies can drill there, to name but a few.
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Due to the terrible things you stand for, Donnie, your Christmas stocking won't be filled with nice presents. But it won’t contain coal, either — you seem to like coal. Instead, your stocking will be filled to the brim with the votes to be cast against you and your party in 2018 and 2020.
Robert “Santa” Kushner