The hardest thing for Christine Christensen is when people ask, "How are you?"
She doesn't know if they really want to hear that every day is incredibly painful since that day in March when her 9-year-old son, Brandon, died in a motor scooter crash with an SUV.
"It's hard when they say, 'How are you?' " Christensen said. "The truth is, I'm not OK. There's a lot of pain in my heart. I now understand the phrase, 'broken heart.' It just hurts. Everything just hurts."
Figuring out how to cope is part of what Christensen is learning from the month-old Healing Hearts Parents Support Group.
The idea for the group came from Linda Murillo, the Lakewood Ranch woman who lost her son, Tyler Isenhour, in a single-car accident nearly two years ago.
Murillo sent Christensen a letter shortly after Brandon died and it took seven months for Christensen to feel strong enough to answer.
"Linda is a very dynamic person who has been through a lot," Christensen said. "To be able to see someone doing OK and functioning and getting on with life, it helps. You think you can do it too."
The two women, and several others, decided to start a group to support those who have lost children. The group met for the first time in late September at Murillo's home.
"We all got an opportunity to meet each other, mingle, share our feelings and also have a good time at a social event," said Murillo, who campaigned for the passage of "Tyler's Bill," to make driver's education mandatory for all Florida high schools.
The bill was a victim of the dragging economy and Murillo said Monday she won't pursue it again this year.
"I am not planning at this time to pursue 'Tyler's Bill' mostly because of the severe cutbacks to the school budget and the impossibility of it all, new senators being elected and all that," Murillo said. "It's just too much for me. Anyway, I am very focused now on grief and all the people I am meeting that are in so much pain."
One of the 16 who attended the group's first meeting was Kelley Stiness, who lost her 16-year-old son, Zachary, three years ago in a car accident in Rhode Island.
"When I first met Linda, there was a bond, a shared grief," Stiness said. "We want to help other people going through it that are alone."
The meeting consists of a potluck dinner and talk about the children, but no fixation on their loss.
"We didn't dwell on that," Stiness said. "We talked about our children, but not that part."
Murillo said, for her, the experience was cathartic.
"It was wonderful to talk to other parents about the memories of my child without feeling guilty or wondering if the other person was getting sick of hearing about him," Murillo said.
Coping strategies were shared as well as books and poems, Murillo said.
"Many of us have experienced dreams coming from what we believe is our children's spirits," Murillo said.
Richard Dymond, Herald reporter, can be reached at 708-7917.
Interested?
Healing Hearts Parents Support Group will hold a potluck dinner 5-8 p.m. Oct. 18 at Tom and Christine Christensen's home at 5315 Landsdown Way, Palmetto. Information: 531-4122 or 592-8475.
Families cope with loss through 'Healing Hearts'
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