Trying to hit .500 on 2014 New Year's resolutions

December 29, 2013 

When I ran down my list of New Year's resolutions for 2013, I laughed and shook my head.

I bombed on more than half of them.

To wit:

• I said I would pay more attention to whatever Sherri was saying so she didn't have to repeat it three times. Consequently, a common refrain at home has been either, "Are you listening to me?" Or, "Don't you remember me telling you that?"

• I said I wouldn't monopolize the TV remote, though I did surrender it the nights "The Voice" was on. Ditto for "Major Crimes." And "Nashville."

• I said I would not make disparaging remarks when the country station played the same songs over and over every hour on the hour and we're on a road trip.

But according to Betterment.com, folks who keep statistics on weighty matters such as New Year's resolutions, I may not have done too badly compared to people they surveyed.

For example:

• 45 percent of Americans make resolutions.

• 25 percent don't make it past the first week.

• A paltry 8 percent actually keep them.

Most people focus on issues like self-improvement, weight, money and relationships.

Three out of four works for me.

Self-improvement? A never-ending journey.

Relationships? That, too.

Weight? I was able to get down to 185 and keep it there. Then football season came along.

Money? That's my wife's department, so I'm good. Not that I have a choice.

Anyway, I made more than a dozen resolutions for 2013 and figure I batted around .400.

• I remembered to put down the toilet seat.

• I became more patient when others took their sweet time ordering some exotic coffee drink and then relayed co-worker orders via the cellphone. It's because I'm no longer in line behind them. Hav

ing a Keurig at work took care of that, not to mention the mid-afternoon coffee jones.

• I did not text while driving because it's enough of a task texting while standing still.

• I stuck to my St. Patrick's Day Fast -- no adult beverages from Jan. 1 to March 17 -- managing to fend off the temptation of a cold brew and ballpark hot dog during early spring training games at McKechnie Field.

• I did not embarrass my wife when she hit the Big 5-0! (Until now.)

Then there are other resolutions I failed miserably.

Among them:

• I said I wouldn't snap, "YOU'RE WELCOME!" every time I held the door for someone and they didn't have the courtesy to say thank you. Can't help myself sometimes.

• I said I would not cuss and flip off the next pocket rocket driver who goes blasting by at 90 mph on U.S. 301. Yeah, watch out for motorcycles.

• I said I would sit back and enjoy the contemporary music emanating loudly from a fellow motorist's vehicle, despite the fact the reverberation rattled my rolled up windows and could've registered on the Richter Scale. Instead, I grunted, "Turn that @#$%& down!"

I promise to do better in 2014.

Maybe.

Mannix About Manatee, by columnist Vin Mannix, is about people and issues in Manatee County. Call Vin at 941-745-7055. Twitter: @vinmannix

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