I hoped the Mystery Monkey Of Tampa Bay would run free forever.
Maybe even sneak across the Skyway and make a home in Bradenton.
Robinson Preserve would've been great for him, right?
A 487-acre playground for the primate to enjoy our native plants and make friends with the wildlife.
Mystery Monkey could've maybe even caught that man who has exposing himself to women there.
Given the creep a bite he wouldn't forget.
Alas, Mystery Monkey is now held captive.
The rhesus macaque, which successfully dodged authorities for three years, got shot by a tranquilizer dart Wednesday near St. Petersburg.
Mystery Monkey then went into the woods and trappers were able to grab him.
The nation mourned.
As of Thursday, Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay's Facebook page had 87,474 "likes."
He might still be swinging free if he hadn't recently bit a woman -- no word on if she provoked him -- causing trappers to get more serious about capturing Mystery Monkey.
Last I checked, Mystery Monkey was being taken to the Animal Hospital of Northwood in Safety Harbor.
That's not so bad.
Other monkeys have had it much worse.
Just ask Bubbles.
Or King Kong.
Or Micky Dolenz.
Long live Mystery Monkey!
Here are my Top 10 songs to celebrate the prime-time primate:
1. "Too Much Monkey Business," Chuck Berry
2. "Monkey Man," The Rolling Stones
3. "Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey," The Beatles
4. "Tweeter And The Monkey Man," Traveling Wilburys
5. "Brass Monkey," Beastie Boys
6. "Monkey Gone to Heaven," Pixies
7. "Shock the Monkey," Peter Gabriel
8. "Part Man, Part Monkey," Bruce Springsteen
9. "Leave My Monkey Alone," Warren Zevon
10. "Monkey on My Back," Aerosmith
Wade Tatangelo, features writer/columnist, can be reached at 941-745-7057. Follow Twitter.com/wtatangelo.