Hot, sticky, sweaty.
That’s Southwest Florida during the eternity from mid-May to late September.
Sure, we boast some of the most beautiful beaches in the country, but only masochists enjoy being outdoors in this brain-boiling heat.
Camping out on the sofa while watching reruns of “The Office” and repeating “that’s what she said” a few hundred more times does have its merits -- but you can do better.
Here are some suggestions:
Ellenton Ice and Sports Complex
What better way to beat the sweltering, summertime blues than lacing up and gliding across a frozen surface? Ellenton Ice offers everything from public skate sessions to adult and youth hockey to figure skating. You’re a true Floridian and don’t have the first clue about making those blades work for ya? Learn to skate! The facility offers group as well as private lessons for both figure skating and hockey skating.
Details: 5309 29th St. E., Ellenton, (941) 723-3663 or www.ellentononice.com.
Splash Parks
Even if you own a pool, splashing strangers is so much more fun that throwing water at the same younger sibling over and again. Just kidding.
The Herald doesn’t condone splashing people with water. Not even at a splash park. Anyway, here are your options for Manatee County:
East Bradenton Park: 1119 13th St. E., Bradenton, (941) 742-5948.
G.T. Bray Park: 5502 33rd Ave. Drive W., Bradenton. (941) 742-5923.
Pride Park: 815 63rd Avenue E., Bradenton. 941-742-5974.
AMF Bradenton Lanes
Bowling and beer have been a winning combination since the days of the ancient Egyptians. Go roll a few frames and then bring the party on home for another joyous, White Russian-fueled “Big Lebowski” screening/shout along. “Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”
Details: AMF Bradenton Lanes, 4208, Cortez Road, Bradenton. (941) 758-8838.
Shake Pit
Shake Pit has been making Bradenton summers bearable since 1959. The cozy, neighborhood establishment -- which also offers “real food” like its highly recommended cheeseburgers -- has been serving up superb shakes, malts, soft ice cream, hard ice cream, sundaes, shivers, “pit splits,” ice cream sodas, floats as well as fried bananas with hard or soft ice cream.
Incidentally, this is a big month for the scream-inducing sweet. According to a press release I received earlier this week: “In 1984, President Ronald Reagan designated July as National Ice Cream Month and the third Sunday of the month (July 17, 2011) as National Ice Cream Day.” So, y’know, hit up the Shake Pit and have a dairy delight for The Gipper.
Details: 3801 Manatee Ave., Bradenton. (941) 748-4016 or www.shakepit.com.
Film Fridays: “Splash Series”
Ever since movie theaters began offering air conditioning in the 1920s, they’ve been a most popular summer destination -- regardless of what’s playing. Rather than watch another silly, special-effects-driven sequel alongside mobs of terrifying teenagers, stop by the South Florida Museum’s Bishop Planetarium. The all-digital domed theater features one of the most advanced projection systems in the world, stadium-style seating and a killer sound system.
The museum’s winning Film Fridays program has just started its “Splash Series.” This week’s watery documentary, “180 Degrees South,” follows surfer-mountaineers trying to recreate a famous adventure involving island hopping along the way to Patagonia (2010, PG; 85 min.).
Details: 6 p.m. Doors open at 5 p.m. with beer, wine, soft drinks and snacks available for purchase. South Florida Museum, 201 10th St. W., Bradenton. Tickets: $5/$3 (members.) Reservations recommended by calling (941) 746-4131 ext. 27. Full schedule: www.southfloridamuseum.org
The Bearded Clam Waterfront & Tiki Bar
The name may suggest a biker bar, but the Bearded Clam in Sarasota actually features a wholesome resort atmosphere that includes a sun deck, swimming pool for diners, a pet-friendly tiki bar, waterfront seating and boat docking. The menu ranges from seafood to burgers to barbecue to pizza. And if you’re a parent, how’s this for family friendly? In addition to a $4.95 menu for those younger than age 12, “chillin’ Moms and Dads can enjoy their lunch while their kids draw within view on the chalk walk outside,” reads the website. Sure sounds better than Chuck E. Cheese’s and its strange smelling, college fund-depleting arcade.
Details: 7150 N. Tamiami Trail, Sarasota. (941) 355-2600 or www.thebeardedclamsarasota.com.
Wade Tatangelo, features writer/columnist, can be reached at (941) 745-7057. Visit his blog at www.bradenton.com/blogs.
