Like most journalists, I use Facebook primarily to promote my stories, network with fellow scribes and look at pictures.

I’m not much of a sharer.

No political opining, religious rants, relationship info or hangover confessions.

My “friends” don’t always follow the same guidelines.

Here are recent “status updates” that have made me laugh, wince or wonder if it’s time to click “unfriend.”

I rarely “comment” but if I did...

“Is it wrong to want a martini at 10 a.m.?”

Not unless it’s a workday and you just posted from your office computer. Or from home after calling in sick.

“Another day closer to the goal. This is wipe’n me out. But feel’n good about things and look’n better. But there is still something miss’n. And my finger’s not on it yet.”

Was this meant for your therapist? Do you have a therapist? I think it’s something worth considering.

“(Joe Schmo) is in a relationship with (Plain Jane).”

Wow. Are you going to ask her out to prom? Oh, that’s right, you’re 37 not 17.

“This is an insane ‘(American) Idol’ finale. Who’s going to win?? Yikes!!”

It’s official. The show has a single viewer left.

“Our latest diaper creation -- a four-wheeler for (Baby Huey)!!”

Sounds insanely stupid, right? But the photo looks awesome and if I were a couple decades younger would totally want one.

“The only problem with America is that it’s full of Americans.”

There are nearly 200 countries on the planet. Take your pick, pal.

“Headed to Taco Bell. My last meal before the rapture will be a run for the border!”

Five Mexican pizzas, please. And make it quick. The world’s about to end.

“After ‘Toy Story’ we decided to play ‘Spring Break,’ eghhh. It started with a simple 12 pack of Coors and ended with a bottle of Patron (tequila) at 2 a.m. Not good, not good. I have the meat sweats today.”

Not sure what the “meat sweats” are but they sound scary.

“I think I want to go back to work, anyone know of something fab I can do??”

Posted by the “meat sweats” sufferer less than 24 hours later.

The social networking site promises to help “you connect and share with the people in your life.” It doesn’t mention that “status updates” and “comments” have led to arrests, firings and looking like a complete fool. You have been warned, my “friends.”

Wade Tatangelo, features writer/columnist, can be reached at (941) 745-7057. Visit his blog at Bradenton.com./blogs.